For the past couple of months, whenever I remembered I had promised myself I'd be regular at writing something or the other on this blog, I'd sit to pen down something. Sometimes, the words would flow, but the flow was a little too personal for me to share. Ironic, isn't it, having a blog, yet being reticent to share?
Going back to the title of this post. Am I enough? It's one of those existential questions that plagues each one of us at some point or the other. I'll be honest. I think about this precisely once a week, when some stone ripples the calm surface of things.
I grew up with big dreams. And I was always encouraged to take them forward. Somewhere along the line, I retained an overall passion for those bigger things, but lost that intense fire that had fuelled my ambitions. I began having new dreams. New fires that are still burning bright.
Every now and then, I think back and reflect whether I was too hasty in giving those dreams up. What did I get scared off? People do those big things in much harder circumstances.
And that's when I got it. It's all got to do with what those "people" are doing. I remember, in college during placements, people would Oooh and Aah over those who got the cushy consultancy jobs, the huge packages. I was a part of the crowd that Ooh'd and Aah'd. But isn't it high time we give ourselves a break and figure out what's the best path for us? Just because "people" can do it, doesn't necessarily mean you can, or even should have to.
Most days, I'm happy. I have a great job, colleagues who are more like friends and an awesome-sauce work atmosphere. But every now and then I get to know what X or Y is doing. Working and running an internet business. Or organizing marathons. Or taking dance classes. And I struggle. To find that one thing I do so well, that I can turn it into a business. Do something EXTRA. I very simply forget what I as a person am capable of, and start using others' achievements as my own yardstick. Very simply, I suck at multitasking and would probably end up botching the one or both things completely. Why is this fact about myself so hard to accept at times?
And this is something that I alone don't go through. There are people everywhere, who are unhappy in their jobs, who compromise because it's a "short-term" thing. People who keep giving these half-brained competitive exams (the necessary-evils is what I call them) just to get into the school of "people's choice". Look for the ultimate goal in life. Look for something that makes you happy. Something that evokes passion and emotion and screams of delight and failure alike.
I wake up everyday, looking to find something that I'd be that crazy about. Something that I'd want to live, breathe, eat and sleep. Because that's the only thing that makes me happy. That kind of unbridled passion. Everything else, is interim. Am I enough? I am.
Going back to the title of this post. Am I enough? It's one of those existential questions that plagues each one of us at some point or the other. I'll be honest. I think about this precisely once a week, when some stone ripples the calm surface of things.
I grew up with big dreams. And I was always encouraged to take them forward. Somewhere along the line, I retained an overall passion for those bigger things, but lost that intense fire that had fuelled my ambitions. I began having new dreams. New fires that are still burning bright.
Every now and then, I think back and reflect whether I was too hasty in giving those dreams up. What did I get scared off? People do those big things in much harder circumstances.
And that's when I got it. It's all got to do with what those "people" are doing. I remember, in college during placements, people would Oooh and Aah over those who got the cushy consultancy jobs, the huge packages. I was a part of the crowd that Ooh'd and Aah'd. But isn't it high time we give ourselves a break and figure out what's the best path for us? Just because "people" can do it, doesn't necessarily mean you can, or even should have to.
Most days, I'm happy. I have a great job, colleagues who are more like friends and an awesome-sauce work atmosphere. But every now and then I get to know what X or Y is doing. Working and running an internet business. Or organizing marathons. Or taking dance classes. And I struggle. To find that one thing I do so well, that I can turn it into a business. Do something EXTRA. I very simply forget what I as a person am capable of, and start using others' achievements as my own yardstick. Very simply, I suck at multitasking and would probably end up botching the one or both things completely. Why is this fact about myself so hard to accept at times?
And this is something that I alone don't go through. There are people everywhere, who are unhappy in their jobs, who compromise because it's a "short-term" thing. People who keep giving these half-brained competitive exams (the necessary-evils is what I call them) just to get into the school of "people's choice". Look for the ultimate goal in life. Look for something that makes you happy. Something that evokes passion and emotion and screams of delight and failure alike.
I wake up everyday, looking to find something that I'd be that crazy about. Something that I'd want to live, breathe, eat and sleep. Because that's the only thing that makes me happy. That kind of unbridled passion. Everything else, is interim. Am I enough? I am.
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